We went to the gym last night, and my gluteus maximus (aka butt cheek) was sore. It kind of felt like I had a charlie horse in it. We were doing lunges and really focusing on our glutes.
After the first round of exercises, I told our trainer, and he told me some things I could do to stretch it out. He then offered to help work the knot out after class, if I was comfortable with that. I agreed, for some reason.
Now I have to tell you that this isn't the first time Jason has laid his hands on me. When we started going, I was experiencing bursitis in my shoulder. He wanted to show me how hyper-tense muscles around the shoulder were pulling it out of whack. He massaged up under my shoulder blade, and it hurt a little. He then said that the worst place on most men was their pecs. He had me raise my arm strait out, so the outer edge of the pectoral was exposed. He then grabbed that muscle. This might seem an odd statement, but raise your arm strait to the side, shoulder level. Now put your fingers in your armpit, and your thumb on the top of your pectoral muscle. Now squeeze.
I have to again describe Jason to let you know how much pain this caused. Jason is about my height. Weighs almost 300 pounds, but it is all muscle. He's been doing strongman competitions, and has an iron grip.
Now being male, there is a certain code I live by. I had to apply the "Don't show pain" principle at this moment. He was talking about how tight the muscle was, and what that means to the shoulder alignment. I was probably turning blue, as I couldn't show any pain, and the best way to do that in this situation was not to breath. I mean, without breath, I can't make any sounds, right?
Jason worked on my pectoral for a few minutes, then laughed and said, "I'm not letting go until you show how this really feels."
In response, I invoked another manly principle, the "When in doubt, call someone a bad name" section. This resulted in him letting go, so mission accomplished.
This was the first time I heard the word "beefy" as a compliment, except to certain livestock. Jason said, "You are so beefy!" Like I said, he does strongman competitions, and that's a crowd I'm not familiar with. I like to I think they would find it a nice thing to say.
Back to last night. We finished our workout, and were stretching. Jason told me to lie down on my stomach. (We had three new people in class, who were all confused. After watching for a moment, I think they were all dreading this happening to them.) He stood over me, and started feeling for knots in my lower back, and hamstring. Then I felt a lot of pressure on my right cheek, and to put it bluntly, it hurt. It turns out that he was kneeling on it, as applying direct pressure will help remove the knots.
At this point I invoked the same principle as above, no pain. I did think some bad words though, in case I was required to invoke the second principle of calling someone a name.
After kneeling on my butt for about five minutes a cheek, he looked over to my wife and told her, "He has a beefy butt."
Is this a compliment?
He then moved his knee down onto my hamstrings, they have been tight, so this helped them relax. Thinking he was done as he stood up, I was very surprised when he grabbed my calves. This led me to skip the first principle of manhood quoted above, and move directly into the second.
The past two weeks we have been jumping rope, and doing calf raises. I have big calves anyway, and they are the one part of my body that gets really tense. I don't know that this would help them relax, because I made him stop at this point.
On a total tangent, the last time someone rubbed my calved (the wife), I made a comment about how toned they were getting. Not thinking about the fact that the wife had told me a few days before that she wasn't seeing any improvement in her calves (which is a lie.) This resulted in my sore calves receiving a solid punch, and being called "show off".
I guess I do prefer "beefy" over "show off".
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